I just thought I would update you on how I’ve been doing….as you know (or maybe don’t know if you don’t know me) that I went through quite a rough patch with my depression and was just having a really hard time being alone or feeling happy. A lot of this I think resulted from my breakup a few months ago. After the breakup, I picked myself up right away and moved on, and I think that might be where I went wrong. I never took the time to mourn and it definitely caught up to me. I don’t miss him whatsoever. In fact, I truly believe would be happy for him if he had a new girlfriend. But I think that being alone and not fully accepting the fact that I was alone and single really made things hard. I blocked out my feelings in attempt to make them disappear. Unfortunately, it had the opposite effect and resulted in me hurting many of my relationships in the process. I lost some people close to me who I thought would be there forever, but I guess that was my consequence. I do not blame myself for my depression. I know that it is a disease and not one that I can always control. But I do think that I could have dealt with my breakup in a healthier way.
I’ve never really acknowledged this until now, so it actually feels great to get it out there and off my chest. I finally mourned the end of my relationship the past few weeks, and I can’t say it didn’t rip me apart, but I can say that after letting myself feel the heartbreak, I feel so free.
Anyways, I just wanted to let you guys know that my heart has felt a lot lighter the past few days. I feel more like myself again. I don’t always have those dark thoughts invading my mind, and I’ve found myself smiling more. In fact, I think I smiled my first real genuine smile yesterday since the breakup. Life felt easier….more enjoyable. I think others around me have noticed too, which makes me happy. I guess I just wanted to say that I’m feeling a lot better and actually happy, although stressed about finals. I feel okay being alone for the first time in years. I apologize if I am being repetitive; I’m just happy to feel like me again. Thank you all for reading and taking this journey with me. And thank you to my few close friends who read this who have shown nothing but love and support for me these past few months. I have infinite love and appreciation for you.
Put Yourself First 